A Band Of Orcs interview

Once upon a time, a band of Orcs battled through the wastelands – playing metal and striking fear into the hearts of anyone who crossed their paths. They plan to dominate this realm and possibly eat our brains. I had the… er… pleasure of talking to the band… check out the results below. By the way, Orcs are awesome… please don’t eat me!!!

Lou: Greetings! Thanks for agreeing to this interview. Please can you introduce the band?

Gogog: I, Gogog, your new leader, orc overlord and arrogant god. Them orcs follow me. Him Gronk!–

Gronk!: –Shaman and Bass player!

Gogog: Shut up, Shaman. Your leader speaks..him Cretos Filthgrinder on leads, um…him Hulg ElfR.I.P.per, zombie and rhythm guitars, and him Oog Skullbasher, war drums.

Oog: Oog smash now?

Lou: I understand that The Gruesome Grimp has sent you to bring forth the Domination – has California proved itself to be a good location to start this quest?

Gronk!: Yes.

Hulg: No.

Cretos: Maybe. Not enough actual gold, but humans say this gold country. Us not understand where the gold.

Lou: Is The Gruesome Grimp pleased with your progress so far?

Gogog: Yes.

Gronk!: No.

Hulg: Maayyyyybeeeee….

Lou: Where do Orcs originate from?

All: Hirntodia.

Lou: Do you feel that Orcs have been depicted accurately in our films and literature?

Gogog: No. In your human fairy tales orcs always lose, but we not so.

Cretos: Us win!

Gronk!: Gzoroth wins, with and us great dragon.

Lou: Did you all learn how to play your instruments prior to coming to Earth? What tips would you give aspiring musicians?

Gogog: We come to your realm, us hear Slayer!

Gronk!: We promise spare Jed if him teach us such hell sounds.

Hulg: Braaaaiiiinnnnsssss….

Gogog: Hulg, No! Jed still useful to us, you CAN NOT eat his brains.

Cretos: Yet. Ha ha!

Gogog: I, Gogog, have one tip–don’t bother, ahahaha, leave the spoils of metal war to us!

Lou: World domination should only be a mere step away, so when will the orcs descend upon Great Britain?

Gronk!: When us open maelstrom. Cross great sea to spread Domination on far shore.

Gogog: Him mean we want conquer Britain too. Probably, when new album come out next raiding season summer. But us not know…only Grimp.

Gronk!: And Gzoroth.

Lou: How would you describe one of your gigs?

Cretos: All the metal bow me.

Gogog: Lies!!! They worship, “I, Gogog–”

Gronk!: Warriors, Allies of human metal-kin tribes come and raise fists with us. Swing swords. Give metal tusk salute.

Hulg: lotsa lotsa braiiinnnnssss, spinning, swirling, storming… tasty, slurppy, braiinnnnssss, yummy…hnghghhn….

Oog: Oog smash.

Lou: How would you describe your music?

Gronk!: Fiendish peaons to Gzoroth….

Cretos: Pure orc metal.

Gogog: Good accompaniment to my voice, ha!

Hulg: Hnghgnghngngh…crunchy, crunchy…Hnghgnghngngh…crunchy, crunchy…Hnghgnghngngh…crunchy, crunchy…

Oog: Smash.

Lou: Do all Orcs enjoy metal?

Gogog: The living ones do.

Hulg: And dead…hgnggnnghhg.

All: (Hideous Laughter)

Gronk!: All Gore-Stained Axe Tribe enjoy metal. Hail Gzoroth!!!!

All: Hail Gzoroth.

Lou: Which human bands do you like to listen to? Have any of them influenced you?

Gronk!: Slayer, Iron Maiden,

Gogog: Justin Beiber, of course.

Oog: Smash!!!

Cretos: Oog mean, Sepultura. Me like Machine Head. Brutal riffs.

Lou: Which of your songs is the best to go into battle with? Which one scares the crap out of your enemies the most effectively?

Gogog: “I, Gogog–”

Gronk!: Ha! “WarChiefs of the Apocalypse.”

Cretos: No me think “Into the Maelstrom!” Me best.

Hulg: My…song…bring…them…to–

Gronk!: Oh, him say, “Bring Out Your Dead.”

Gogog: Them all brutal; choose one make your swing you axe really hard!

Lou: What kind of stuff do you write about? What influences you?

Gogog: How I kill I father to become leader.

Gronk!: Gzoroth.

Cretos: Me make solos. Filthgrinder influence me.

Hulg: Fire…cleansing…fire…burning….

Gogog: Sing of our conquests from Hirntodia. Make whole ‘concept album’ about killing giants.

Gronk!: Some humans say, it sound like famous prophecy made by Gygax in “Against the Giants.”

Gogog: Enough. What next question?

Lou: Aside from “WarChiefs of the Apocalypse”, do you have any other CDs available?

Hulg: Hnngngngnnghghgnghhgh….

Gronk!: Soon us label put out ‘super-single’ for “Wyrd of the Winter Wolf.” This first time you humans hear song. This come August 31st. Itchy Metal Entertainment.

Hulg: Hall…hall…Dead the….

Gronk!: Oh yeah, Hulg tell we also put “Hall of the Frozen Dead” on super-single.

Cretos: Huh, huh, it 2 songs single.

Gogog: We make way back to sorcery tower of recording soon, in November. Trident Studios.

Cretos: Us shred new album for Domination in Apocalypse year.

Lou: Where can we buy your CDs and merchandise from and support the Orc campaign?

Gronk!: Um. Us EP “WarChiefs of the Apocalypse” on all strong download sites now. i-tunes. AmazonMP3. CDBaby.

Gogog: Hulg, tell him. You ate brain with all stuff in it. Tell him now.

Hulg: indiemerch.com/abandoforcs… nnnnarrrrrrr…shirts…loot

Cretos: abandoforcs.com, it portal to all.

Gogog: Hey, us get pretty good at that! Grimp shock us with lightning, say we need talk more about loot for sell.

Lou: I recently read that someone plans to make miniture model versions of you. How do you feel about literally having a ‘mini me’? When will these models be available and where will we be able to buy them from?

Gogog: God!!!!! That’s how me feel.

Gronk!: Us release minis Domination at GenCon, August 4th. Then sell online on Orc Tower web site.

Cretos: abandoforcs.com, it portal to all.
Gronk!: Ha, him do it again! Grimp shock him bad-good.

Lou: What are you up to at the moment? Is there a new album on the horizon? A tour? A crusade?

Cretos: Us finish chanting songs for me shred.

Gronk!: After GenCon, finish commune with Gzoroth for make new songs.

Hulg: Crunchy…guitars….

Cretos: Epic shreds.

Gogog: Like I, Gogog, say–us go to studio sorcery soon. In season called Fall, during Orcstaking Celebrations.

Lou: Where can your fans catch up with you online? Are you on Facebook, Twitter, etc? Someone should invent OrcBook or OrcSpace…

Gogog: Oh, I like. You invent, we spare you when Domination comes. Yes?

Gronk!: We have all on internet plane. facebook.com/abandoforcs, twitter.com/abandoforcs

Cretos: abandoforcs.com, it portal to all.

Gronk!: Oh-ho, Grimp cast one spell on him. Ahahahahha!!!

Gogog: It work good.

Gronk!: Yeah.

Lou: Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions. Do you have any final messages for the readers of Loucifer Speaks?

Gogog: No. Us done.

Cretos: Now us decide if spare or spear you. Hmmmm….

Gronk!: Hail Gzoroth!!! Until the Domination.

Hulg: Hngnhngnghhnnn….

Oog: Oog?

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